Stare Bene vs. the Pursuit of Happiness

In Italy, when someone asks you, how are you? Come stai? It's a sincere question, how do you stay? Are you well?  I've seen Italians that I ask this pause, tilt their head and give me a look, like, wow, thank you for asking and caring how I'm staying.  In America, it's more of a greeting.  It's another kind of "Hello" or acknowledgement of your presence rather than a sincere inquiry on your status.  Whether you're having a good or bad day, typically the person asking, your co-workers, classmates, and the check out clerk at Walgreens, isn't sincerely interested on a full, in-depth analysis. He or she is just being friendly. 

And on top of that, how often do you stop to reflect on how you are?  Once a day? Once a week? Unless you make time for it, it's easy to not think about it and just stay focused on juggling various priorities which yields the shallow answer of fine, great, or good, thanks.

In Italy, staying well is something important.  With your friends or significant others, staying well with them is what's important.   Staying well alone with yourself is also important if not moreso. Ligabue sings about it in "Eri bellissima": "stai bene li con te?" "Are you well with yourself there?"  

And staying well with yourself through changes and new experiences is also important. One of my students explained to me that before studying abroad in America 20-some odd years ago, he broke up with his then girlfriend of 4 years because he wanted to be alone while embarking on this experience. To have the freedom and the space to change and grow personally.  He realized what was best for him and did it.

This idea of staying well with yourself lends to this external acknowledgement and objectivity of looking at the self.  I feel like Italians are able to step outside of themselves, not take themselves too seriously, and be self-aware.  One student described to me how he suffered as a child, and he was very matter of fact about it.   It's like an external, 360 degree analysis of self with acceptance.  That's how it is.  They're also able to step out and say, it's not a good moment in my life right now.  You would never say that in America.  People would look down on you because A-you're struggling, B-you showed weakness.

In America, what's important is doing well and being happy. Being happy with yourself, with your significant other, and with your job.  That's the goal.  I think the seeds for this present-day cultural goal of happiness were sown by Founding Father, Thomas Jefferson, when he declared that the pursuit of happiness as a right in the Declaration of Independence.  

But honestly, Tom, is this a destination that can be reached? And then what? Live happily ever after? For forever with no problems? Life is filled with never ending sorrows and joys. What about staying well?

Ultimately, pursuing happiness is a unachievable goal.  Happiness, however, can be found in the pursuit of goals. Perhaps a balanced update to this part of the Declaration would be the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of goals while staying well.  Because what is reaching our goals without having stayed well?